GOING TO THE DOGS

Mayfield Veterinary Clinic staff administers to the tame and wild animal populations of Clearwater, Florida. This unlikely ensemble of characters tends patients, owners, and each other with good care mixed with saucy humor.

Going to the Dogs

Showing posts with label : comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label : comedy. Show all posts

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Beginnings: SCENE EIGHT

INTERIOR EMILY’S OFFICE — DAY
EMILY IS TYPING ON THE COMPUTER WHILE SHE TALKS WITH STUART, ON THE SPEAKERPHONE. ALL OF STUART’S DIALOGUE IS HEARD VIA SPEAKERPHONE.

EMILY
Do we have our same seats?

STUART
Of course we do. (BEAT) Do you honestly think I’d risk losing OUR SEATS?

EMILY
Just checking.

STUART
Dinner before?

EMILY
Huh? Oh, yeah. Don’t we always?

STUART
Meet you there?

EMILY
Sure.

STUART
Where?

EMILY
Where what?

STUART
Are you on the computer?

(BEAT)

STUART
Emily, are you on the computer while you’re pretending to talk with me?

EMILY
Uh….

STUART
Emily, take your hands off the keyboard

EMILY
It’s not a problem.

STUART
Dr. Mayfield, Stuart here. Take your hands off the keyboard, and turn your chair around.

EMILY
(TAKES HER HANDS OFF THE KEYBOARD) Hi, Stuart.

STUART
Are you still looking at the monitor?

EMILY
(SLOWLY TURNS HER CHAIR AROUND) Nope. (TURNS HER CHAIR BACK TO FACE THE MONITOR)

STUART
So, I’ll meet you there, and you have to tell me where that might be.

EMILY
That new place on Buena Vista.

STUART
Italian? Chinese? Thai?

EMILY
Uh-huh.

STUART
Uh-huh. (BBEAT) How’s the new junior doc working out?

EMILY
Oh, fine.

STUART
Uh-huh. (BRISKLY) Well, I’m glad it worked out. Sure looking forward to “La Boheme” this Saturday after we have Italian or Chinese or Thai.

EMILY
(LOOKS AT THE PHONE) It has NOT ‘worked out’, Stuart McGregor!

STUART
Nice to have you with us, Dr. Em.

EMILY
I can’t say it has worked out. It’s too early to tell. At best it’s just the beginning of a work in progress.

STUART
(BEAT) Is there progress?

EMILY
I think so. Maybe. Come on, Stuart, it’s the beginning of a probationary period.

STUART
Gotcha. You know, I’d be willing to bet that my nephew hasn’t said it, so I’ll say it for both of us. Thank you.

EMILY
Yeah. So. Opera on you, dinner on me?

STUART
Same as always.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR TREATMENT ARENA — DAY
CYNTHIA AND A. MICHAEL ARE STANDING FACE TO FACE.

CYNTHIA
(PLEASED) He is. It’s not a one-man show. He’ll be showing with two other artists.

A. MICHAEL
Are the others Southern folk artists, too?

CYNTHIA
Armando doesn’t DO folk art.

A. MICHAEL
What does he call it?

CYNTHIA
His AGENT calls it post-modern impressionism.

A. MICHAEL
Ri-i-ight. Does he have family in New York?

CYNTHIA
Listen, you pompous son-of-


CUT TO:
INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA — DAY
ESTRELLA IS GETTING HER PURSE OUT OF THE CABINET BESIDE HER DESK.
EMILY AND ROBBIE ARE IN THE CUTOUT TO THE HALLWAY.
AN UNKNOWN MAN RUSHES IN THE DOOR AND PRESENTS HIMSELF AT THE RECEPTION COUNTER.

MAN
(TO ESTRELLA) Are you the one that keeps calling?

ESTRELLA
Give me a clue. You are …??


MAN
Millard Whitehall.

ESTRELLA
I’ve been trying to speak with a Phillip Whitehall.

MAN
Well, Phillip Whitehall is dead.

CYNTHIA AND A. MICHAEL ENTER, LOOKING AROUND THE CORNER AND LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION.

ESTRELLA
I’m so sorry for your loss.

MAN
What’s all this about his greyhound?

EMILY
Mr. Whitehall’s greyhound has had a serious injury and requires extensive care.

MAN
Swell. That’s just swell. Like I need one more decision.(BEAT) Listen, why don’t you just put the dog down?

A. MICHAEL
Look, mister —

EMILY
That dog has a chance of full recovery.

MAN
I don’t want him. Just put him down. You can do that, right?

A. MICHAEL
What are you, god?

CYNTHIA
Come with me, doctor.

CYNTHIA PUSHES A. MICHAEL OUT OF THE HALL AND INTO THE TREATMENT ARENA.

ROBBIE
(TO A. MICHAEL AS HE IS REMOVED BY CYNTHIA) God wouldn’t want to hurt that dog.

EMILY
(TO THE MAN) Are you the owner of this dog?

MAN
I wouldn’t have a dog. It was my father’s.

EMILY
Is there anyone in your family who will take responsibility for your father’s dog?

MAN
Lady, nobody’s going to be paying for that dog.

EMILY
I see. In that case, would you be willing to sign the greyhound over to me?

MAN
If I do that, can I just wash my hands of this whole thing?

EMILY
Absolutely.

MAN
Where do I sign?

ESTRELLA
(SLAMS HER PURSE DOWN ON THE DESK, OPENS A DESK DRAWER AND REMOVES A FORM) Right here. Or do you want me to fill it out first?

MAN
(GRABS THE FORM AWAY FROM ESTRELLA, SIGNS HIS NAME, AND STOMPS OUT THE DOOR)

ROBBIE
What’s his name?

ESTRELLA
Not worth mentioning.

ROBBIE
I mean the dog.

EMILY
Well, it looks like that sweet boy’s care is coming out of my paycheck.

ROBBIE
Paycheck, huh?

ESTRELLA
Junior Doctor!

A. MICHAEL ENTERS

ESTRELLA
(TO A MICHAEL) We need a night shift to look after our new puppy.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR HALLWAY — DAY
EMILY AND A. MICHAEL ARE STANDING IN THE HALL AFTER EVERYONE ELSE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

EMILY
There’s a cot in the storeroom. Pillow’s on the top shelf, a couple of blankets with it. (BEAT) I appreciate your taking the first shift with our new boy.

A. MICHAEL
He’s a sweet dog.

EMILY
I realize you need a space of your own here. (LOOKS AROUND) I’ve arranged a desk for you. (BEAT) See you in the morning.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR HALLWAY — NIGHT
A. MICHAEL IS SEATED AT A CARDTABLE, WITH HIS LAPTOP ON TOP OF IT. HOBBS THE CAT IS SLEEPING ON TOP OF THE COMPUTER. A. MICHAEL PICKS UP THE CAT AND HOLDS HIM.

END EPISODE TWO: Beginnings

Stay tuned for EPISODE THREE: Welcome Home

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Beginnings: SCENE FIVE

INTERIOR EMILY’S OFFICE — DAY
EMILY SITS AT HER DESK, TALKING ON THE PHONE.

EMILY
No, I’m in Clearwater…(WRITES ON A PIECE OF PAPER)Clearwater, Florida… I have a dog with tattoos that identify you as the breeder. Can you give me information about the dog?


CUT TO:
INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA — DAY
ESTRELLA IS AT THE DESK, TALKING ON THE PHONE

ESTRELLA
Well, yes, Moxie’s ready. Teeth are clean and his coat’s ready for his weekly grooming … Just promise you won’t put pink bows on him this time … Can’t, Gordon. Everyone’s tied up … Sure, come on over and get him. It’s been two whole days since we’ve seen you.
(CALLS OUT TO CYNTHIA) Cyn, will you get Moxie ready for Gordon? He’s on his way over.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR EMILY’S OFFICE — DAY
EMILY SITS AT HER DESK, TALKING ON THE PHONE.

EMILY
My understanding is that this dog was handled by your kennel … That’s what the breeder said … Yes, those are the tattoo numbers … Yes, I’ll hold.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA — DAY
ESTRELLA SITS AT THE DESK.
CYNTHIA ENTERS CARRYING MOXIE, A SHELTY

CYNTHIA
We’ve had our little walk and Mr. Moxie is ready to go.

ESTRELLA
(TO MOXIE) Ay, Perrito, can you smile for Estrella? Let me see those pearly whites.

CYNTHIA
He’ll do anything for a treat.

ESTRELLA
Won’t we all?

GORDON TUDOR PATRICK ENTERS

GORDON
Darlings!

CYNTHIA
(LAUGHING AT MOXIE, WHO IS WRIGGLING MADLY IN HER ARMS) Okay, okay! I know you’re excited to see Uncle Gordon.

GORDON
(REACHING TO TAKE MOXIE FROM CYNTHIA) What have you gotten into, Moxie? Just look at that hair!
(TO ESTRELLA AND CYNTHIA) Ladies, you look wonderful.

ESTRELLA
(TO GORDON) New shirt?

GORDON
You wouldn’t believe the sale that White’s is having.

ESTRELLA
Sheets, too?

CYNTHIA
(TO ESTRELLA) Don’t start with me.

GORDON
Obviously I’m missing something delicious.

CYNTHIA
No, you’re not.

ESTRELLA
(TO CYNTHIA) Surely you’re not going to deprive our Gordon of a reason to celebrate.

GORDON
Champagne celebrating?

CYNTHIA
(TO GORDON) Armando is going to show in New York.

GORDON
THE New York? New York City? That New York?

CYNTHIA
One and the same.

GORDON
Darling! When do you leave and what are you wearing to his show?

CYNTHIA
He leaves in three days.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR EMILY’S OFFICE — DAY
EMILY SITS AT HER DESK, TALKING ON THE PHONE.

EMILY
Yes, Clearwater … Florida … Would you give me that number, please?
(SLAMS PHONE DOWN)


CUT TO:
INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA — DAY
ESTRELLA SITS AT THE DESK.
CYNTHIA STANDS AT THE COUNTER. GORDON IS HOLDING MOXIE

EMILY ENTERS, FURIOUS

EMILY
That’s it! I’ve had all the evasion I’m going to stand for. Doesn’t anyone take responsibility any more?

GORDON
You do.

EMILY
(TO GORDON) We have a lost greyhound who’s fighting for his life back there, and not one soul willing to speak up for him.
(BEAT)
Is this Moxie’s grooming day?

GORDON
This is his lucky day.
(BEAT)
(TO EMILY) Is your greyhound going to make it, Doc?

ESTRELLA
(TO EMILY) What’s with the phone calls?

EMILY
I’ve got five numbers and been put on hold seven times.

ESTRELLA
Give me the list.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR CRATE AREA — DAY
A.MICHAEL SITS ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF A LARGE STAINLESS STEEL CRATE. HE HOLDS THE GREYHOUND IN HIS ARMS, CAREFUL TO HOLD THE IV LINE OUT OF THE WAY AS HE CRADLES THE DOG.


(CONTINUED)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Beginnings: SCENE FOUR

INT RECEPTION AREA – DAY
ESTRELLA IS SITTING AT THE DESK. EMILY IS STANDING AT THE COUNTER. CYNTHIA IS RETRIEVING FILES.

EMILY
I’m concerned about Mr. Dexter. I don’t think his Moxie is going to be with us much longer, and you know what Moxie means to him, especially since Mrs. Dexter died.

ESTRELLA
Maybe Moxie should get a little brother.

EMILY
Did you see the way Moxie looked at little Abigail? Whatever it is Moxie wants isn’t going to be fulfilled by a little brother.

ESTRELLA
I think Moxie’s memories outshine his abilities.

EMILY
Don’t they all?

EMILY EXITS
PHONE RINGS

ESTRELLA
(ANSWERING PHONE) Mayfield Veterinary Clinic … Ay, muchacho! I hear congratulations are in order! Will you still be speaking to us when you’re rich and famous? … A gallery in New York is no small potatoes, Armando. Your sweetie’s been bragging on you …

(MOTIONS TO CYNTHIA TO PICKUP THE PHONE. HANGS UP WHEN CYNTHIA PICKS UP.)

CYNTHIA
(ON THE PHONE) Hi, baby. What’s happening? … Which paintings do you have to send? … Is that one finished? … (LAUGHS) You can do it, Mando … Anything, baby, what do you want me to do for you? … Mando, don’t ask me that. You know I can’t …

EMILY AND A. MICHAEL ENTER

ESTRELLA
(TO EMILY) If this was any of my business, I would remind her to be gentle.

CYNTHIA
(TO ESTRELLA) Do you mind?

ESTRELLA
(TO EMILY) In my vast experiences I have repeatedly learned that a man with the soul of an artist has the tender heart of a child.

CYNTHIA
(TO PHONE) Mando, I already told you … Why are we talking about this over the phone? This is something we celebrate with wine and talk about in the
moonlight … No, no, you stay home and paint. I’ll bring the wine … (SOFTLY) Me, too, baby. (HANGS UP)

ESTRELLA
Wine and moonlight are good.

EMILY
Wine and moonlight are always good.

ESTRELLA
And crisp, clean sheets.

EMILY
What sheets? An old quilt thrown on the ground under the stars.

A. MICHAEL
That’s disgusting. Women your age should know better.

ESTRELLA
Women our age do know better.

EMILY
(TO A. MICHAEL) Didn’t you ever wonder about the phrase, “Mother knows best”?

ESTRELLA
If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

A. MICHAEL
That isn’t what it means!

ESTRELLA
(TO EMILY) Did this little boy grow up in a Petri dish?

EMILY
What makes you think he’s grown up?

(CONTINUED)

Monday, June 7, 2010

Family Plus One: SCENE EIGHT

INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA – DAY
EMILY STANDS IN THE HALLWAY DOOR.
ESTRELLA SITS AT THE RECEPTION DESK.

EMILY
Did we see every dog in the county today?

ESTRELLA
No, just the odd-numbered ones.

INTERIOR TREATMENT ARENA – DAY
CYNTHIA IS HOLDING JESTER. ROBBIE IS CLEANING.

ROBBIE
Boy, Linda’s going to be glad to get this kitty home.

CYNTHIA
I thought Jester was a rescue.

ROBBIE
She is, and Linda hasn’t even seen her since she picked her up from the side of the highway.

EMILY AND A. MICHAEL ENTER.

CYNTHIA
(TO JESTER) Jester, you are one lucky kitty.

EMILY
Because Linda brought her in to the clinic?

ROBBIE
Oh, no, Dr. Em, Mom brought Jester to the clinic.

EMILY
You’re right, Robbie. Jester is one lucky girl to have your sister and your mother on her side.

EMILY TAKES JESTER FROM CYNTHIA

CYNTHIA
So Jester will go home with Linda today?

A. MICHAEL
Certainly not!

ALL STARE AT A. MICHAEL

A. MICHAEL
This cat is in no condition to be turned loose in a regular home environment.

ROBBIE
Linda’s house isn’t regular, doctor. It’s full of cats.

A. MICHAEL
All the more reason to keep Jester here until she’s completely recovered.

ROBBIE
But Linda’s been waiting …

EMILY
(TO CYNTHIA) Could you give Robbie a hand with that supply inventory?

CYNTHIA
Yeah! Sure thing. (TAKES ROBBIE BY THE ARM AND LEADS HIM AWAY)Come with me, Robbie, my man, it’s inventory time.

ROBBIE
I thought the computer kept track of inventory.

CYNTHIA
Yeah, well this is sort of off the record.

CYNTHIA AND ROBBIE EXIT.

EMILY
(TO A. MICHAEL) Besides being Robbie’s sister, Linda Hightower happens to be one of the most responsible, caring, knowledgeable clients this clinic has ever had the pleasure to work with. She has personally rescued more animals than you treated in your entire series of rotations.
A. MICHAEL
But this cat needs …

EMILY
And she has every animal examined, inoculated, and neutered before she even begins to look for a home for them.

A. MICHAEL
But Jester’s got —

EMILY
So if you think for one minute that you can stand in this clinic and pass judgment on the people who are putting up their time and money —

A. MICHAEL
But —

EMILY
… and love to make life better for these less fortunate ones, you can leave right now, doctor, and don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

A. MICHAEL
(TAKING JESTER FROM EMILY) You be a good girl, Miss Jester. You’re going to have to take thyroid pills, twice a day, for the rest of your life. I know you’re not going to like it, but you have to do it, okay?

EMILY
Unless you think you could actually start putting your lips together and keep them that way.

A.MICHAEL
She needs some time to build up her strength before she undergoes a spay. (BEAT) That would be my recommendation.

EMILY
I agree, doctor. In this case, the patient has nothing to lose and everything to gain if we follow a conservative line of treatment.

A. MICHAEL
(HANDS JESTER TO EMILY) She deserves the chance.

EMILY
Six months.

A. MICHAEL
It won’t take her that long. A few weeks, at most.

EMILY
I’m talking about you, doctor. Six months probationary hire. But you do one thing to endanger one of my patients and you’ll be the one on the emergency table, understand?

A. MICHAEL AFFECTS AN ATTITUDE AND STARTS TO SPEAK.

EMILY
Don’t say it. Don’t even think about saying it. I can read body language. Nod your head for yes, shake your head for no. I’ll get the message.

A. MICHAEL SLOWLY NODS HIS HEAD.

EMILY
Six months.

A. MICHAEL NODS HIS HEAD.

EMILY
Probationary.

A. MICHAEL NODS ONCE.

EMILY STEPS TO THE HALLWAY DOOR.

EMILY
(CALLING TO ESTRELLA) Estrella, get Linda on the phone for me. And open an employee file for Dr. Kendrick.
(BEAT)
Temporary.


END EPISODE ONE: Family Plus One

(Stay tuned for EPISODE TWO: Beginnings)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Family Plus One: SCENE SEVEN

INTERIOR TREATMENT ARENA - DAY
CYNTHIA IS LOOKING AT JESTER WHO IS IN A TREATMENT RECOVERY CRATE WITH A SUNLAMP. A. MICHAEL IS LOOKING AT CAT INNARDS’ X-RAYS.

A. MICHAEL
How’s her appetite?

CYNTHIA
Appetite’s fine. She eats everything we give her. But nothing stays down.

A. MICHAEL
(TO HIMSELF) Appetite’s good, she just can’t keep it down …

CYNTHIA
We need to hydrate her. Doctor? She’s becoming dehydrated. An IV, doctor? Subcutaneous fluids? Maybe both?

A. MICHAEL
Nothing here. No loops, no obstruction—

CYNTHIA
You’re right. There is a better solution. Cynthia brains the doctor with the chart and Miss Jester laughs herself well.

A. MICHAEL
No foreign bodies. No anomalies.

CYNTHIA
Except the doctor.

EMILY ENTERS, HANDS PRINTOUT OF BLOOD WORK REPORT TO A. MICHAEL

EMILY
(TO CYNTHIA) What about the doctor?

CYNTHIA
Does the doctor have any instructions regarding the treatment of a dehydrated kitty?

EMILY
(TO A. MICHAEL) Talk to me.

A. MICHAEL
Normal … normal … liver enzyme slightly elevated … Glucose! … (SURPRISED, DISAPPOINTED) normal.

EMILY
So?

A. MICHAEL
She’s young to have diabetes, but it could have —

EMILY
Could have, but isn’t.

EMILY TAKES JESTER OUT OF HER CRATE, HOLDS HER WITH ONE HAND CRADLING JESTER’S FACE

EMILY
You have anything else to say?

A. MICHAEL TAKES JESTER FROM EMILY, STROKES THE CAT

A. MICHAEL
Full blood panel, with a T-4.IV for subcutaneous fluids.

EMILY
Would you like to stay around the rest of the week to see how she does?

MICHAEL
Well, I planned to spend this afternoon finding an apartment.

EMILY
I’m not inviting you to move here. I’m asking if you want to stay until Friday.

CYNTHIA
Every day until Friday?

EMILY
I think so.

CYNTHIA
Every single day?

ESTRELLA ENTERS.

EMILY
It’ll give us a little time to get to know each other. Perhaps, Dr. Kendrick can impress us with his crate side manner.

CYNTHIA
Not to mention his conversational skills.

ESTRELLA
(TO CYNTHIA) Is she saying what I’m afraid she’s saying?

CYNTHIA
‘Fraid so.

A. MICHAEL
Just this week? (BEAT) I still need a place to stay.

EMILY
There’s a Motel 6 a few blocks down. I expect you to be here every morning at 7:30 and be ready to treat by eight. Surgery on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Any questions?

ESTRELLA
Yes. Does this mean that the neutering is still on for Wednesday?


(CONTINUED)

Monday, May 31, 2010

Family Plus One: SCENE SIX

INTERIOR EXAM ROOM #2 – DAY
EMILY STANDS BESIDE THE EXAM TABLE.
CLIENT, NOREEN, STANDS ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE TABLE, PETTING A PERSIAN CAT.

EMILY
(TO NOREEN, A 16 YEAR OLD) (EMILY REACHES OVER AND PETS THE CAT ON THE HEAD) Brush her a few minutes every day. Make it your special time with her, and she’ll enjoy the attention. Remember the mats hurt her. You know how much prettier you feel when your hair is combed? Phaedra feels that way, too. Brush this darling every day and you’ll also see fewer hairballs. (TO CAT) Phaedra doesn’t like those old hairballs, does she?

NOREEN
Well, I know I don’t like cleaning up after them.

EMILY
Of course not.


INT TREATMENT ARENA - DAY
EMILY ENTERS FROM EXAM ROOM #2, SEES A. MICHAEL WITH JESTER. ROBBIE STANDS NEARBY WATCHING AS A. MICHAEL PALPATES JESTER.
EMILY APPROACHES QUIETLY SO A. MICHAEL DOESN’T KNOW SHE’S THERE.

A. MICHAEL
How does that feel, little girl? Does
this hurt?

ROBBIE
Jester.

A. MICHAEL
Why are you so still and quiet, Miss Jester?

EMILY
(TO A. MICHAEL) Problem?

A. MICHAEL
All the standards check out okay, but something just doesn’t feel right to me.

EMILY
Talk to me.

A. MICHAEL
Vomiting, but that could be stress. Heart, lungs, eyes clear. Mouth clean, teeth okay; could stand to be cleaned, but they’re not too bad. Lymph nodes normal, no ear mites.

EMILY
Internal?

A. MICHAEL
No lumps, bumps or stones. Liver normal.

EMILY
Tests?

A. MICHAEL
(GLANCES AT CHART LYING ON COUNTER) Feline leukemia negative, feline AIDS negative, fecal … roundworms, no surprise there. Not sufficient to produce this kind of lethargy. I need x-rays and blood panel.

EMILY
Do you?

(BEAT)

A. MICHAEL
X-rays and blood work would be my recommendation for Jester.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR RECEPTION AREA – DAY
ESTRELLA SITS AT THE MAIN RECEPTION DESK. CYNTHIA SITS AT THE ADJACENT “L” DESK.

ESTRELLA
(TALKING ON PHONE) Well, you have two choices. You can either put a new screen on that window or teach Murphy to use a parachute … He’s resting just fine, honey, I’ll let you talk to Cynthia.


CUT TO:
INTERIOR TREATMENT ARENA – DAY

CYNTHIA
(PICKS UP PHONE) Hello, Mrs. Saunders. Your boy’s going to be fine … no, it’s not broken, but it will have to be bandaged for a while. … Oh, no, it’s not nearly as severe as Murphy’s last one … Now, Mrs. Saunders, we don’t like to call anyone accident prone. Murphy’s just going through an awkward stage … Any time after 3:30 will be just fine. (HANGS UP)

(TO ROBBIE) Is she keeping anything down yet?

ROBBIE
(HOLDING JESTER) She eats a lot, but nothing stays down.

CYNTHIA
Throwing up?

ROBBIE
Yeah.

CYNTHIA
How about chicken noodle soup?

ROBBIE
No, I’ve already had lunch, thanks.

CYNTHIA
I mean for Jester.

ROBBIE
Cyn, you see anything in Jester’s blood?

CYNTHIA
It’ll take a while for the analysis to run. You’ll have to ask Dr. Em, Robbie.


(CONTINUED)